Now I’m a typical sort of Southern male. Some folks might call it being a “redneck,” but whatever, I am what I am. I’ve never before been even a little afraid of spiders. I see one, someone screams or something, and I step on it, or maybe even touch it just to show how stupid and fearless I am.
…but those sorts of days and those kinds of shenanigans are no more.
It’s been a month or two, but I clearly remember the morning I awoke and noticed that on my super six pack abdomen there were two ugly red whelps, and to make matters worse by another half so much, there was one on my back too. Now I recalled no getting bit by anything…and as a redneck will do, I promptly forgot about the whelps and went on about my redneck way.
A week later the three whelps were still just as large…and that was lucky, as they hadn’t got larger instead.
Well, being a modern redneck as I am, and as I might, I did what I do, and posted a silly status about it on Facebook. Someone soon suggested I may have been bitten by either a., a brown recluse spider, or b., brown recluse spiders.
Well, I thought to myself, “LOL! spiders are terrified of me! Besides that, I’ve never seen one inside my home!”
Brown recluse, adult and young with size comparison.
Older is wiser, and sometimes great wisdom can be had for free in the course of a single day’s journey. I’m a renaissance redneck, and so, I have books. Books, books, and more books. I’ve got em’. So I was off to peruse the stack of books three feet to my left, and so I picked up the first one, not at all remembering what the ones underneath even were.
The top book was a nice leather bound NIV Bible…and on my leather bound NIV Bible was a brown recluse spider, just chillin’ like a villain, as the kids would likely say if they didn’t instead scream instead.
It was at this point the whelps on my not actually six pack stomach, and the one on my back became very very real to me. I’d been lucky. No, I have no proof my skin disturbances were brown recluse spider bites, but once bitten twice shy, eh?
So what have I done in response to my venomous spider invasion? I’ve been proactive. In fact I’ve not slept in over a week. Things are getting misty, and voices that sound like spiders voices…are ringing between my ears.
Okay, I jest…spiders don’t have voices. I hope.
I’ve set out glue traps. Apparently, brown recluse spiders are attracted to them – and well, they should be. God help us all if they memorize the Bible, we’ve enough problems as it is, am I right?
If these don’t knock em out, or if one happens to find a nest, and happens to also be slightly impatient, well, the spider spray might be more gratifying. What I’m trying to relay here is this: one must deal with a brown recluse problem – because it sure beats a tissue necrosis brown recluse spider bite.
Terro 2300 16-Ounce Spider Killer Aerosol
Information concerning brown recluse spiders, and advice on how to deal with them.